Honestly, does anybody here even know what’s going on anymore? It’s been a crazy almost-30 days since I first step foot in Panama and I’m still a little disorientated. Nothing illustrated this point better than when I just shared my Google Calendar with my mom and she pointed out that it only has past stuff on it. Yeah. I know! That’s because the only thing I’m semi-sure about is the stuff that’s already happened. That just might be a bit tragic.

(PS. You can now always view my event calendar for my mission trip on my “Missions” page).

So yeah, part of the reason I’ve been so far behind on my favorite pass time, blogging, is that we haven’t been able to look more than 48 hours into the future at any given point! Don’t get me wrong, we’ve definitely been crazy-busy running around Panama this whole time and even had a few chances to help out in very substantial ways. It’s just that there hasn’t been a clearly laid out schedule beyond the first few major events on our checklist.

But to bring you up to speed in a brief/informative way I’ll try and list the highlights:

• Survived a few natural disasters (crazy thunderstorm and two earthquakes)
• Helped clean up the neighbor tribe’s destroyed houses
• Explored the sketchiest areas of Old Panama and Downtown Panama City
• Stayed a pretty sweet hostel for the very first time
• Traveled to the Ngobe Tribe and helped serve with a Medical Team
• Got sick in the “stomach area” for the first time since starting YWAM
• Attended/facilitated the Festival Una Voz as a PhotogenX team
• Optimist side: Lost my wallet / Pessimist side: I’m pretty sure it was stolen
• Renewed my website and email address at: cale@calelivingston.com

Hmm, that list doesn’t seem nearly as cool as the actual experience. I guess, once I go back and flesh out each story, it might sound a little better. I promise to make up for lost time with this whole blogging thing. I even had a good, convicting email convo with James W. about making sure I stay in contact with you guys. I think, so often, I get so sucked into the moment and sort of forget about anyone who isn’t immediately in front of me. What can I say? I’m a guy! haha

But I definitely have to apologize for not being a diligent to communicate regularly with you guys, my support group. I think the biggest lost opportunity has been the fact that you haven’t had any updates on what to pray for for me. That’s certainly been one area I need help with more than ever. There’s been some spiritual attacks against over the last week.  God continues to open my eyes to the fact that everything is, indeed, spiritual and needs to be handled with authority and urgency. Basically put: I’m a soldier in this war irregardless of my choosing, but it’s up to me whether or not I prepare myself for the fight.

With that said, I’m going to save all the big praise and prayer requests for another email newsletter. That way more people can informed, not just you techno-savvy Facebook users.

Oh, and the reason it’s titled “tentative” is because nothing is ever certain with these sort of things. If you’ve been involved in missions before then I’m sure you can relate.

(Note: Paul & Susi Childers are the PhotogenX leaders. Susi is a photographer from Germany and Paul is a speaker/leader from New Zealand. It’s an… interesting pairing, haha.)

The main purpose for going to Panama:

• to release Voice For the Voiceless (V4V)  in the Spanish speaking world
• to establish a PhotogenX Center in Central America
• to come alongside with ministries in Panama and help them with these issues:
  • US Embassy
  • Ministries with orphans
  • Indigenous tribes: help them develop communication tools to reach other tribes
  • Help indigenous tribes in Panama

June 25
Leave for Panama – first 4-5 days for orientation – give a real taste of culture and overnight stay in tribal village

July 2
Susi Childers comes back from Germany to model what photography and missions looks like in the context of Panama City

July 7-14
Time with indigenous Panamanian tribes

July 15-17
Work with pictures for Art Festival

July 18
PhotogenX led Art Festival – remaining time following contacts with churches and work on specific projects

July 21 – August 11
In Panama, working on photo projects

August 11-31
V4V in Spanish with US to churches. Go out into the greater Central America. 2 ½ weeks in various countries. Discover what there is to discover in Central America! What are the issues? What will you leave behind?

• Colombia
• Nicaragua
• Cuba
• Costa Rica
• Guatemala

August 31
Everyone comes back to Panama, rests and prepares for South Africa

September 4
Down to Capetown, South Africa

September 7-12
Un. of N. Conference: (A Global YWAM Conference every 2 years)
Celebrate my birthday!

September 13-16
Leave Conference, Debrief

September 17
Debrief Ends

September 18 – October 25
Figure out what I’ll be doing on my extended tour!

October 26
Share with my supporters all the amazing things we were able to partner with God in doing. Talk to anyone who wants to hear!

As I said in my tweets earlier, I feel like I should be some sort of indie artist/homeless person. Let’s just say I won’t get any flak for not shaving my beard any time soon!

Landing in Kona was pretty nice but I was surprised by all the bareness and lava fields. A large majority of the island is sparsely vegetated and mostly black. In hindsight, O’ahu is definitely the most densely populated island of the bunch. The weather was also emo-esque, just for me. There was a blanket of what might very well be volcanic ash but I’m just going to ignorantly assume it was fog/clouds.

I already went through the sign-in process which wasn’t too bad. But I knew I should have transferred my bank funds earlier since I ran into the problem of not being able to withdraw my money right away. I guess I get to leave some work for tomorrow, huh? I also had a quick peek at my room and it’s pretty much a Hume Camp Cabin with a nice kitchen and bathroom attached. There’s also no wifi there yet since the dorms are actually brand new. Again, just leaves something to look forward too. Oh, and my entire 50 person PhotogenX team is staying in these new dorms because our classroom is adjoined on the first floor. Short walk to class, awesome. Long walk to lunch, not so cool. Oh, did I mention that we all have work duties and I inexplicably chose 5:30-7:30am kitchen chores of 3:00-5:00pm outdoors work. It was such a tough call. Only time will tell if I made the right choice. Honestly though, I was leaning towards becoming a “normal” with my sleep schedule and I think this is definitely one way to jump start that effort, for better or worse. And, if you think about it, working outside during the hottest part of the Hawaiian day doesn’t sound very smart.

There’s probably some key points I’m leaving out but I’ll inevitably get back to those…

Lastly, for those of you who know my crush on Survivor: I’ve already made an alliance with some of the girls on my team and I think we’re going to win the first immunity challenge (one the them is really athletic). But I’m not sure who I’d vote off at this point. It actually feels pretty hard now that I think about it. Man, I really need to stop this comparison between missions and reality TV!

*Yay! Yahoo! w00t! Yippeee! etc…*

But now reality is beginning to sink in, as it usually does, and I’m starting to panic a bit. I was totally fine with the idea of raising some $5,000+ in funds for all the YWAM expenses like travel, room and board. No problem, God will provide, I’m great. That is, until I joined the YWAMconnect.NET online community for my PhotoGenX team. I’m totally camera insecure! People are talking about lenses and tripods and flash and battery and …. *make it stop!*….. *tears*……

I didn’t think the next struggle would be with jealous and insecurity around material things. Honestly, that’s never been a struggle for me, I guess, until now. I think the problem is I originally made the decision to give up all those great camera upgrades this year so I could go on YWAM. So all of my personal funds are going towards financing my trip instead of  the tools and equipment I’ll be using during the trip. Oh the irony! I think God still has a sense of humor.

I want it all! I want the new Canon 5D Mark II with a new flash, extra batteries and a vertical hand grip, along with a netbook or Mac to download all my pictures to. That’s not too much to ask for, right?

*Oh wait, reality…*

Maybe I should find some secret rich benefactors who want nothing more than to shower me with lavish gifts (ok, now I’m just being ridiculous and delusional).

The facts:

It’s still going to be a great trip. I still have a camera and some great lenses. And I’m pretty sure using my camera for one more year won’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me. I need to be grateful for what I’ve got. This whole jealous/rant will pass eventually. In the meantime I need to just keeping praying faithfully for the Lord to provide (something I’m already convinced of spiritually, maybe not-so-much mentally, if that makes any sense?). Seriously, I don’t know why I’m so worried. God was the one who spoke so clearly to me a year ago and lead me out here in the first place. I didn’t even know the first thing about YWAM, like what it stood for (Youth with a Mission). And now I’m here, in Hawaii, three weeks away from starting an epic six month journey around the world (well, at least half… and I bet it’s the better half!) with a whole new group of people.

PS. If anyone seriously wants to buy me some new equipment I can send you the links to amazon.com and b&hphoto.com.