Before today my only exposure to someone using this Afrikaans phrase was typically during Bible Study prayers to God. I guess, now that I think about it, we don’t really say “thank you” that much in America anymore (or maybe I’m just not very thankful?!).

But today was different because God wanted to teach me something about being thankful.

I was about to enter this great checkout line at Pick-n-Pay, a local grocery store, but I freaked out because for some reason I randomly thought the clerk wouldn’t be able to speak or understand English. So I got out of what was the shortest-checkout-line-ever and then walked around for a little while until I found another suitable line. During that brief “walking around” period I realized that there’s really not even any dialog that has to take place between myself and the cashier so it would actually be reasonably safe to enter any line at this point.

(I suddenly feel like this is a confession of insanity blog…)

I ended up in a checkout behind a rather short elderly woman with a regular sized cart. She was slowly but steadily unloading her things from the tallest and closest within reach to the smaller, lower lying items on the bottom of the cart. I noticed that she was already struggling with the medium height items so I decided ahead of time to intervene and help her with the last few products that I knew she wouldn’t be able to easily reach. As I reached my hand into her cart for the remaining products her first reaction was mild confusion but once I handed them to her I think she realized I was just trying to help her out a bit. She promptly said, “Buy ah Donkey” (Obviously that’s not how it’s correctly spelled in Afrikaans but I’m just going with English phonetics until I figure out the right way to spell it). I just smiled and nodded to her since I had no idea how to reply in Afrikaans.

So that’s all it was. I didn’t go out of my way to perform any amazing, self-sacrificing feat. I’m no hero. I just helped grabs some stuff out of a cart for a lady.

As the elderly woman proceeded to check out she had a small conversation with the cashier in Afrikaans. Once she had paid the final total she turned to me again and (this time in English) said, “Thank you very much young man ,” and I replied with a simple “You’re welcome.” After the woman walked away, the cashier began to total up my groceries. But then she said something that caught me off guard, “You know, that sort of thing never happens around here anymore. That lady won’t be able to sleep tonight. What you did is going to keep her up the whole time.”

Wow! Was what I had done really that spectacular?

As I walked towards the doors my eyes began to well up with tears.

Was what I had done really that spectacular? I could think of a million more substantial acts of service than that one. It was literally nothing. And yet, to receive such a disproportionate response…

God, I don’t understand this world I live in! I can’t believe there’s so little hope that my simple act of service brought startling joy to an old woman. How sad has this world become? Is this what you’re talking about when you said to “be a light in the darkness”? Thank you for using me, in even the most mundane of ways, to bring glory to your name. I’m amazed how you can turn my simple obedience into a great testimony of your redemption. May the name of Jesus be lifted high here on earth!

I walked away from the store tonight in prayer.

May that woman know the source of all joy and life, Jesus Christ. God, thank you for opening my eyes to see how my life reflects back to you. Any change, any transformation people see in my life is because of the working power of Christ. The forgiveness I give comes from the fact that I’ve been forgiven much by the Father. And the joy that I share flows out of the abundance that I receive in Jesus.

I really had no idea what it meant to live a life so serious and aware of the fact that I reflect the one I serve, or that the impact could be so substantial. And God impressed on my heart that if I’m faithful and obedient with the small things then he can trust me with larger things. I can’t imagine what would happen if all Christians lived daily aware of the impact their actions can have on others. I’ll never know, this side of heaven, the impact I’ve had on peoples’ lives but I feel that God chose to reveal just a glimpse of what that might look like to me today.

So be encouraged! Your life, a living sacrifice, burns as a testimony to unending love and power of Jesus Christ. Don’t just settle for ordinary. Ask God for boldness to step out in faith and proclaim his name. The next time I encounter someone I pray that I’ll have the yearning to go beyond just a simple deed and actually tell them about this source of living water I’ve found in Christ.

(Written on September 30, 2009)

I kinda feel like I shouldn’t tell anyone what these seemingly random assortment of acronyms mean just to see if anyone can figure it out. But if I did that then no one would have a clue what I’m talking about for the rest of this blog.

So here it goes:

TIY = This Is YWAM

This little saying cropped up right around Debrief since it so accurately encompassed all of our thoughts and frustrations. It’s not necessarily a dismissive excuse for the way things are, like “Boys will be boys,” but rather a general acceptance of the current state of affairs with an ever-so-faint hope that things might actually change.

Ok, before you start assuming the worst I’ll just tell you that our DTS Debrief definitely wasn’t the best it could have been. There were a lot of issues carrying over from Panama concerning the areas of leadership, communication and the overall spiritual health and well-being of our teams.

I confess, I wasn’t in the most joyful of moods when we arrived in South Africa for a YWAM Conference before our debrief. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about meeting new people or even hearing from all the top YWAM leaders but logistically it was just super hard to try and absorb even more information or to fully engage in a completely different culture than we had previously experienced in Panama. Not to mention the jet lag from crossing the Atlantic!

So instead of finally having a chance to debrief/detox from some of the stuff we were dealing with in Panama, everything was pushed to the back burner where it just simmered, bitterly, for a good week or so. And even when we finally made it to the separate location for Debrief there still wasn’t the proper amount of time to address all of our issues. Well, I should state that I had more time than most during my one-on-one but I think that’s because I had written out all my points in a solid, presentable document. (Special thanks to unordered lists!)

It’s still taken quite a bit of time since then to truly process all the things I’ve learned and experienced. But the biggest take-away that I only just realized a day or two ago was this:

You’re the only one responsible for your spiritual growth, regardless of circumstances.

Again, sometimes I miss the most obvious truths…

What I’ve learned is that even though you might be attending a church, involved in some group or even on a missions trip, you’ve still got to make sure you’re feeding yourself. Ultimately, no one else is going to do it for you. It’s sort of like being potty trained; eventually you have to learn how to take care of it on your own since mommy isn’t always going to be there for the rest of your life (no matter how much I’d like that, lol).

Most recently this has been illustrated in my over-reliance on my leaders to provide for all of my spiritual needs. As if my entire spiritual development is contingent on whether or not I have good leaders looking out for me.

With that said, I’ve been having some great quiet times lately and really enjoyed the small group I attended the other day. It’s actually amazing how visibly God is moving in the poor communities here in South Africa. I’m specifically looking to get involved with the local township of Capricorn which is just a 30 minute walk away from the Track House, where I’m staying.

By the way, I might even be on Google Earth standing right outside the house since I saw the Google Earth Car drive past me the other day! (You have no idea how excited my inner nerd was when I realized I might be forever immortalized online in Google Maps Street View, lol).

TIA = This Is Africa

Just when you think you’re about to have a productive day you realize everything shuts down here at anywhere from 2:00pm to 6:00pm.

I wanted to buy some milk, but… the store was closed.
I wanted to use the internet cafe, but… the shop was closed.
I wanted to take the train home, but… the station was shut down.
I wanted to charge my netbook, but… the electricity ran out.
I wanted to take a warm shower, but… there’s only enough for three people.
Etc.

I wonder how much I would have suffered in Panama if we weren’t able to steal internet from the Smithsonian next door?!

But on the plus side, real produce is cheaper than processed food by a wide margin.

Fish & Chips is only $4!

And lastly:

MSG = Monosodium Glutamate

All that means is every single flavor and spice over here is ridiculously savory. I’ve never, ever been addicted to potato chips until I came here. And the have the most bizarre flavors!

• BBQ Chutney
• Flame Grilled Steak
• Smoked Spare Ribs
• Caribbean Salt & Balsamic Vinegar
• Spicy Tomato & Onion
• Tomato Sauce
• Sweet Chilli
• Mexican Chilli

Had I been able to use the internet today I would have liked to send out another newsletter talking about the different ministry opportunities I’ll be involved with before I leave. I could easily see my heart fall for the people of Capricorn. Even though I only have four weeks left I plan on spending them several times a week over there!

The context for the title, Continental Shift, is about me processing the changes in environment and culture between Panama and South Africa. I feel like I need a reset before I jump into an entirely different culture. It almost seems like a disservice to my time in Panama since it’ll become eclipsed by my most recent experiences here in South Africa. So what follows are some complaints, funny observations and a few serious points.

Funny things about South Africa:

• Add South Africa to the list of countries who drive on the left (read: wrong) side of the road. It suddenly makes boarding a bus or loading a car a huge chore. And I don’t even want to talk getting on the freeway!
• The electrical outlets are ridiculously huge and don’t actually charge anything. Seriously, it’s like going from Legos to Duplos. Not to mention it took my phone three different attempts to finally charge. I feel like I’m living out the Brian Regan sketch where he says, “It’s fun to fly!” except mine would be,  “I like to plug in things. This is fun! The square goes in the square hole…”
• The beef is always jerky, by default. I suggest small bits and careful chewing.
• There’s separate faucets for hot and cold water. The only reason I can possibly imagine for this is that some people don’t actual have hot water (oh, kinda like Panama!). Regardless, the best method I’ve developed to combat first degree burns involves cupping a full hand of cold water and then adding in some hot until it reaches the desired temperature. Genius, I know.
• The internet is sold by the megabyte here. For example, I bought 100MBs of internet for 30Rand (about $4US). I think it’ll last me about three or four days. So far, so good! Oh, and no companies actually sell monthly contracts, it’s all per use. Although, some sell for hour increments as well. (Those are the places you go to upload photos and watch YouTube!)
• My life is still punctuated by important educational moments in the realm of common sense/life experience. This month’s lesson: a spa is not a hotel at all! For one, everything’s single story. We’re staying in a rondawel (read: bungalow) which feels more like a studio apartment for three people.
• But at least it came fully stocked with food, right?
  For one week of breakfast they gave us three guys:
  2 bags of bread, 6 eggs, a bag of shredded cheese, some bacon, milk and a box of corn flakes.
  But the best part was their recommended week plan: bread with cheese, bread with egg, bread with bacon, etc.
• At least they have some hot water spring swimming pools. I melted in one of those for three hours the other day. That was a nice change of pace!
• The weather is now beautiful but it was ridiculously cold before. I’m finally getting some use out of the inside of my sleeping bag as opposed to the outside that I used in Panama.
• Not having a consistent internet connection causes me to stop and look back at a lot of my offline/draft emails and realize how much I complain about something that ends up improving shortly thereafter.

1. the weather changed
2. I eventually got internet
3. the food is actually pretty good
4. the seminars ended up being great
5. the worship is meaningful
6. the night gatherings at this conferences are better than the mornings
7. I missed out (read: skipped out) on an afternoon evangelism outreach to the local town and missed out on God working in a teammate”s life and also an awesome miracle of a foot growing back.

• But despite all that, God still uses me and gives rest where I’m at.
• I’ve more clearly learned that “in all things, I can praise the Lord.”
• I’ve been told several times that I’ve lost some weight. That’d be encouraging if I actually noticed it too though.
• Switching from the hot/humid summers of Panama to the cold/dry winter weather of South Africa has caused my lips and heels to crack. I suddenly miss humidity!
• I was under the false assumption that I’d have more alone time in South Africa after living in the sanctuary of a church for almost three months in Panama. I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m done with my time in YWAM before I experience some great alone time again.

Honestly, does anybody here even know what’s going on anymore? It’s been a crazy almost-30 days since I first step foot in Panama and I’m still a little disorientated. Nothing illustrated this point better than when I just shared my Google Calendar with my mom and she pointed out that it only has past stuff on it. Yeah. I know! That’s because the only thing I’m semi-sure about is the stuff that’s already happened. That just might be a bit tragic.

(PS. You can now always view my event calendar for my mission trip on my “Missions” page).

So yeah, part of the reason I’ve been so far behind on my favorite pass time, blogging, is that we haven’t been able to look more than 48 hours into the future at any given point! Don’t get me wrong, we’ve definitely been crazy-busy running around Panama this whole time and even had a few chances to help out in very substantial ways. It’s just that there hasn’t been a clearly laid out schedule beyond the first few major events on our checklist.

But to bring you up to speed in a brief/informative way I’ll try and list the highlights:

• Survived a few natural disasters (crazy thunderstorm and two earthquakes)
• Helped clean up the neighbor tribe’s destroyed houses
• Explored the sketchiest areas of Old Panama and Downtown Panama City
• Stayed a pretty sweet hostel for the very first time
• Traveled to the Ngobe Tribe and helped serve with a Medical Team
• Got sick in the “stomach area” for the first time since starting YWAM
• Attended/facilitated the Festival Una Voz as a PhotogenX team
• Optimist side: Lost my wallet / Pessimist side: I’m pretty sure it was stolen
• Renewed my website and email address at: cale@calelivingston.com

Hmm, that list doesn’t seem nearly as cool as the actual experience. I guess, once I go back and flesh out each story, it might sound a little better. I promise to make up for lost time with this whole blogging thing. I even had a good, convicting email convo with James W. about making sure I stay in contact with you guys. I think, so often, I get so sucked into the moment and sort of forget about anyone who isn’t immediately in front of me. What can I say? I’m a guy! haha

But I definitely have to apologize for not being a diligent to communicate regularly with you guys, my support group. I think the biggest lost opportunity has been the fact that you haven’t had any updates on what to pray for for me. That’s certainly been one area I need help with more than ever. There’s been some spiritual attacks against over the last week.  God continues to open my eyes to the fact that everything is, indeed, spiritual and needs to be handled with authority and urgency. Basically put: I’m a soldier in this war irregardless of my choosing, but it’s up to me whether or not I prepare myself for the fight.

With that said, I’m going to save all the big praise and prayer requests for another email newsletter. That way more people can informed, not just you techno-savvy Facebook users.

Oh, and the reason it’s titled “tentative” is because nothing is ever certain with these sort of things. If you’ve been involved in missions before then I’m sure you can relate.

(Note: Paul & Susi Childers are the PhotogenX leaders. Susi is a photographer from Germany and Paul is a speaker/leader from New Zealand. It’s an… interesting pairing, haha.)

The main purpose for going to Panama:

• to release Voice For the Voiceless (V4V)  in the Spanish speaking world
• to establish a PhotogenX Center in Central America
• to come alongside with ministries in Panama and help them with these issues:
  • US Embassy
  • Ministries with orphans
  • Indigenous tribes: help them develop communication tools to reach other tribes
  • Help indigenous tribes in Panama

June 25
Leave for Panama – first 4-5 days for orientation – give a real taste of culture and overnight stay in tribal village

July 2
Susi Childers comes back from Germany to model what photography and missions looks like in the context of Panama City

July 7-14
Time with indigenous Panamanian tribes

July 15-17
Work with pictures for Art Festival

July 18
PhotogenX led Art Festival – remaining time following contacts with churches and work on specific projects

July 21 – August 11
In Panama, working on photo projects

August 11-31
V4V in Spanish with US to churches. Go out into the greater Central America. 2 ½ weeks in various countries. Discover what there is to discover in Central America! What are the issues? What will you leave behind?

• Colombia
• Nicaragua
• Cuba
• Costa Rica
• Guatemala

August 31
Everyone comes back to Panama, rests and prepares for South Africa

September 4
Down to Capetown, South Africa

September 7-12
Un. of N. Conference: (A Global YWAM Conference every 2 years)
Celebrate my birthday!

September 13-16
Leave Conference, Debrief

September 17
Debrief Ends

September 18 – October 25
Figure out what I’ll be doing on my extended tour!

October 26
Share with my supporters all the amazing things we were able to partner with God in doing. Talk to anyone who wants to hear!

As I said in my tweets earlier, I feel like I should be some sort of indie artist/homeless person. Let’s just say I won’t get any flak for not shaving my beard any time soon!

Landing in Kona was pretty nice but I was surprised by all the bareness and lava fields. A large majority of the island is sparsely vegetated and mostly black. In hindsight, O’ahu is definitely the most densely populated island of the bunch. The weather was also emo-esque, just for me. There was a blanket of what might very well be volcanic ash but I’m just going to ignorantly assume it was fog/clouds.

I already went through the sign-in process which wasn’t too bad. But I knew I should have transferred my bank funds earlier since I ran into the problem of not being able to withdraw my money right away. I guess I get to leave some work for tomorrow, huh? I also had a quick peek at my room and it’s pretty much a Hume Camp Cabin with a nice kitchen and bathroom attached. There’s also no wifi there yet since the dorms are actually brand new. Again, just leaves something to look forward too. Oh, and my entire 50 person PhotogenX team is staying in these new dorms because our classroom is adjoined on the first floor. Short walk to class, awesome. Long walk to lunch, not so cool. Oh, did I mention that we all have work duties and I inexplicably chose 5:30-7:30am kitchen chores of 3:00-5:00pm outdoors work. It was such a tough call. Only time will tell if I made the right choice. Honestly though, I was leaning towards becoming a “normal” with my sleep schedule and I think this is definitely one way to jump start that effort, for better or worse. And, if you think about it, working outside during the hottest part of the Hawaiian day doesn’t sound very smart.

There’s probably some key points I’m leaving out but I’ll inevitably get back to those…

Lastly, for those of you who know my crush on Survivor: I’ve already made an alliance with some of the girls on my team and I think we’re going to win the first immunity challenge (one the them is really athletic). But I’m not sure who I’d vote off at this point. It actually feels pretty hard now that I think about it. Man, I really need to stop this comparison between missions and reality TV!

Here I am, at the end of my venture with New Hope Diamond Head, about to embark on the epic journey that is “YWAM,” wondering what I’m actually going to do for the next three months of my life. I had a bit of a sobering conversation with a friend who works with YWAM and was informed that it’s basically lectures and schooling with a strict schedule. *Oh goodies! Just what I’ve never wanted…*

Really? Three months of classes that I paid for? I thought I was avoiding college with this missions endeavor. The first thing I thought was, “Uh oh, I’m pretty sure the teachers aren’t going to like me.” Mostly because I’ve never taken the time to do just school before. I don’t even think I have the patience to focus solely on classes and books. If anything, I’ll probably end up doing a lot of extracurricular work in my free time, just to find a release.

I can now count the amount of days I have left at Diamond Head on one hand which is equal parts: exciting, terrifying and convenient. I think my biggest fear is coming to terms with losing my desktop and all that comes with it. No more 22 inch monitor with loud speakers. No more Adobe CS3! If you really want to break it down I’m basically giving up graphic design for photography, my seditary desktop for a portable netbook, and my nocturnal lifestyle for that of a loser (read: regular person). Let’s be honest, school has never been the main focus for any given time of my life. There’s always been something else to accompany and overshadow it. Unfortunately for these YWAM teachers, they’re going to have my full and undivided attention. *Maybe I should apologize in advance?*

Don’t get me wrong, I love learning and I love people, but my tolerance level is usually so high that I go ADHD if my requirements aren’t met. And right now, I’m not holding out hope. Who knows, maybe it’ll be a completely mindblowing and submersive experience. Ultimately, I’ll have to get through it if I ever want to leave the country and take photos abroad since that’s the goal, after all.

What else…?

• Oh, I’m completely obsessed with LifeHacker.com right now. I think their tagline says it all, “Tips and tricks for getting things done.” I must caution, though, that perhaps there’s a point where you have so many tips and tricks that you won’t get anything done. Right now my goal is to find that point! But seriously, I could have used a lot of these programs and features about five years ago and it’s only until just now, right before I have no more use for them, that I find them. Great timing…
• Other good news is I’m finally winding down on the transition from my desktop to netbook. Most of my files are already over and I’m pretty comfortable on it now. Oddly enough, I disabled half of the multi-touch functions on the touchpad because they got annoying. *Score one for minimalism!*
• I still haven’t installed the extra gigabyte of RAM in my netbook either. Somehow I keep forgetting to ask Kamu for the screwdrivers. Hopefully I’ll capitalize on that soon as well.
• I’m also almost done making my list of contacts for YWAM support letters (oh the lucky few).

Ok, I think that’s it for this entry, even if the ending falls a bit flat. It’s sort of like those movies that you love up until the last half an hour.

And, going back to procrastination, you can’t really do that unless you have something to preoccupy yourself with, right? Well, luckily for me, I just got my new netbook a little bit ago and I’ve been tinkering with it and loading it with all my favorite programs and media. I have to admit, I’m definitely impressed with this little investment! I think it’ll serve be well during my YWAM trip, internet connections not withstanding. I’ve even put it through the course and it’s passed most of my tests. It handles the internet like a champ and I might even try and see if I can’t get Lightroom working on it as well. Honestly, I don’t know how I called myself a photographer before Lightroom. There’s nothing better than being able to handle your entire photo workflow process in one unified program.

On a different note, I’ve really had to ask for forgiveness lately when it comes to my unrealistic expectations. I didn’t realize how much I expect people to have a firm understand of the principles of design. Obviously that’s just not the case though! And yet, somehow, I fell into the trap of setting my bar of expectations at a level so high I could barely reach it. As an artist I think I’ll always struggle with wanting perfection from myself but this was a case of that bleeding over onto other people. But that part that really caught me  was when I realized that’s there’s no possible way people would even know these sort of principles of design that I do. They haven’t had any training, formal or otherwise. It’d be like me, as a teacher, requiring my students to pass a test I haven’t prepared them for.  I really missed the boat, didn’t I?

The good news is, there’s still time. I now feel more empowered to actively teach and equip those around me whether it be in graphic design or any other area of expertise. I think I’ve spent plenty of time giving people fish without ever really teaching them to fish. And the worse part is that doesn’t help either of us in the end. Ahh, I smell co-dependent tendencies!

So that concludes the “personal” portion of this blog.
Now I get to dive into the “rant” section…

First off, directly following in the spirit of the last few paragraphs, this will be a much more educational and productive rant (if there ever was such a thing).

The topic: Facebook.

I’m not exactly happy with the new design change that Facebook underwent. I now have a completely useless and irrelevant “Highlights” column on the right that I can’t even remove if I wanted to. But that’s not really my main point. The thing I really don’t like is the now chaotic “feed” on the homepage. I feel inundated with information now more than ever before. And my problem is I usually try to assimilate all of it. Obviously that’s not healthy either so something has to be cut, but how? Well, I’m glad you asked! It’s a little thing called “Friends Lists.” It’s actually a new feature that rolled out a week or so before Facebook redesigned the whole site. It’s a feature that lets you create a list and add any friends you want to it. Pretty simple, right? Well, the payoff is in the fact that now you can filter down your “feed” by clicked on one of your custom built friends lists. Now, if I only want to see people from Mountain View I can just click on that list and my feed will reveal only people I’ve added to that group. So far I have a group for almost every circle of friends! Without this key feature I probably wouldn’t have lasted more than a few days on the new Facebook. And that’s why I also wanted to share it with you, too. This sort of qualifies as my “trying to teach others” for the day. I hope it all makes sense and is immediately applicable to you. I don’t aim to waste your time, that usually just happens naturally!

Lastly, because of the previously mentioned Lightroom, I’ve really found my passion for photography again. With that said I spent hours cleaning out my old Flickr accounts and bringing them back up to speed. I’ve poured in enough time on the front end to really benefit from it during the rest of my YWAM trip. So be sure to check out some of my photos, too, when you have the chance.

They’re even displayed right over there, on the right side >>>
(maybe up a little higher though)

You can also check out my flickr site directly at flickr.com/photos/kalel559

Amazon.com just confirmed my order and it might be here as soon as Wednesday. I also ordered 2GBs of RAM to upgrade it and a CF memory card reader since I don’t have one. Now I don’t have to plug in my camera directly anymore, yay!

I guess this means I’m really committed to this YWAM trip since I had to sell my car to Israel just to buy this thing. Who would have thought Is would be driving my car, much less, in love with it?! lol

I’m still excited about the whole process gearing up for YWAM. And I have plenty of dumb questions like, “What’s my proof of health insurance and do I even have that?” Yeah, I’m kinda clueless sometimes. Maybe if Facebook had a tab for you to enter in all your health records and bank account statements I could keep everything in one place. Ooh, there could even be a manager for my credit card and social security numbers! (I’m not sure if I’m joking or not though. On one hand that sounds way more practical and easy to use but, on the other hand, it’s only one step away from “the Anti-Christ” as Dad would say.)

In other news:

• I think I’m going to try to see the island a bit more before I leave. We’ll see if that develops or not since I sort of need a driver.
• TJ and I decided that we’d be better friends if we didn’t live together and I think it’s for the best! Sometimes there’s just a bit too much over-exposure to someone when you live with them.
• House of Heroes is an awesome band and I’m really glad I bought their latest album: The End is not the End.
• I also died near downtown Chinatown on Saturday. There were some locals who didn’t like the idea of me being a tourist and taking pictures around them (a block away). Luckily God sent me an angel and she gave me a heads up. Something along the lines of, “Hey, you see those guys over there? They don’t like you taking pictures. They’re going to come over here and beat you up and take your camera. You better start walking up that street.”  Mmm, ok, thanks!
• The pictures turned out great though. A special thanks goes out to Lightroom 2.3 and Andrew Shinn for making that possible!
• Someone told me the other day that Kona is way hotter and has less rain than Honolulu. At first that didn’t sound so bad until they clarified and said it was just as humid. Now I have all the joys of Fresno weather with the one thing it lacks, intense humidity! (Speaking of weather conditions, the sarcasm on that last line should be palpable with an 80% chance of anger on the horizon)
• I’ve maxed out my 8GB Sansa with music and kinda want to get a new one since I’m in such a buying mood these days. Did I mention I made the switch from WMAs to MP3s? Amazon.com gets all the credit for that since the albums I buy online come in that format. I guess I can live with it…
• And lastly, on a more serious note, God has revealed to me that I can’t live in a board game free environment. It’s just not healthy. I need to roll some dice or steal someone’s cards soon or else I’m going to die!

Also, going back to my whole YWAM process, my next step is to send out support letters to all my friends and family. I’m even going to try to but a bit more focus on doing things electronically. Something along the lines of nice letters via email and a link to a PayPal account. I’m not sure if that will help more people out or not but it’s sure less of a burden for me, especially since I don’t have to deal with shipping fees or actual real life paper. I also want to put an emphasis on regular, weekly communication. The goal is to have new pictures and stories every week for people to read about. After all, people aren’t just praying for and supporting me for the short time leading up to my leaving but for the entire journey. I have a few special other features in store too. I think I’ll hold the rest of my hand close to my chest (also saves me an apology if I don’t follow through on them too).

Thanks for reading guys, you’ve been awesome. Don’t forget to tell all your friends and family about my site. Hopefully you can remember my first and last name and the complicated .com as well.

*Yay! Yahoo! w00t! Yippeee! etc…*

But now reality is beginning to sink in, as it usually does, and I’m starting to panic a bit. I was totally fine with the idea of raising some $5,000+ in funds for all the YWAM expenses like travel, room and board. No problem, God will provide, I’m great. That is, until I joined the YWAMconnect.NET online community for my PhotoGenX team. I’m totally camera insecure! People are talking about lenses and tripods and flash and battery and …. *make it stop!*….. *tears*……

I didn’t think the next struggle would be with jealous and insecurity around material things. Honestly, that’s never been a struggle for me, I guess, until now. I think the problem is I originally made the decision to give up all those great camera upgrades this year so I could go on YWAM. So all of my personal funds are going towards financing my trip instead of  the tools and equipment I’ll be using during the trip. Oh the irony! I think God still has a sense of humor.

I want it all! I want the new Canon 5D Mark II with a new flash, extra batteries and a vertical hand grip, along with a netbook or Mac to download all my pictures to. That’s not too much to ask for, right?

*Oh wait, reality…*

Maybe I should find some secret rich benefactors who want nothing more than to shower me with lavish gifts (ok, now I’m just being ridiculous and delusional).

The facts:

It’s still going to be a great trip. I still have a camera and some great lenses. And I’m pretty sure using my camera for one more year won’t be the worst thing that’s happened to me. I need to be grateful for what I’ve got. This whole jealous/rant will pass eventually. In the meantime I need to just keeping praying faithfully for the Lord to provide (something I’m already convinced of spiritually, maybe not-so-much mentally, if that makes any sense?). Seriously, I don’t know why I’m so worried. God was the one who spoke so clearly to me a year ago and lead me out here in the first place. I didn’t even know the first thing about YWAM, like what it stood for (Youth with a Mission). And now I’m here, in Hawaii, three weeks away from starting an epic six month journey around the world (well, at least half… and I bet it’s the better half!) with a whole new group of people.

PS. If anyone seriously wants to buy me some new equipment I can send you the links to amazon.com and b&hphoto.com.